So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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