he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
