Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
