I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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