please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
