At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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