He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
