I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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