I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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