I think i sorta joined a cult last night
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just forgot I was standing up.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
