Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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