Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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