I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
