So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
