he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
