Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize