when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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