Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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