Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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