hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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