He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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