The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
