My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
