Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
