Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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