theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think your dad took our porno
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.