Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.