I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick