She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen