I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
