i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
