Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
