she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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