I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
