I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
