a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
