is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I need to sanitize my soul.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
