I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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