I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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