I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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