So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
