the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
