So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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