I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
