T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
