i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
