We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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