He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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