You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
