I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
