Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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