I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
