So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
