He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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