hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
