I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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