i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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