Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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