If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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