also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
