before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
