dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
