every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
