is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
