Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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