Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
foreskin is a definite game changer
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
