as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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