I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
