ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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