Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
