this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
