Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
so much tequila, so little girl.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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