then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
