i jhust puked up my retainher.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she told me i tasted like america
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
