hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
