I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
