he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
