Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Text me some of your sweat
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
