the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
