is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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