I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
