Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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