The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
