I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
