My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
