On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Can Purell be used as lube?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
